Bed, Bath and So Far Beyond!

Sometimes this new church planting life seems so unbelievable, so favored, and I forget that I still exist as regular old me - which is okay, I like regular old me. Yesterday was a reminder.

The girls needed a new stroller for a few reasons, not the least of which is that the trunk of the borrowed car we're using is too small for the double beast stroller. We also needed curtains. Lucky for us Bed, Bath and Beyond and Toys R Us are in the same place - far from here.

I dropped Jeremy off for a meeting and headed off to Williston with the girls. Allow me to set the stage.

It's hot here. Not Vegas hot, but humid hot so the heat is like a sticker that adheres to you and won't let go. It's a treat. Because this humid heat apparently NEVER happens, there are lots of vehicles with no AC. Uh-huh. We're so grateful for the loaner, but it has no AC.

We're from Vegas. We weren't scared. Off we go! I'm driving. I'm driving. Jeremy said it would take 15 minutes to get to Toys R Us. It's been 22 minutes. I've passed a townlet. There were buildings, so I'll call it a town. Now there is nothing but trees ...lots and lots of trees. 30 minutes. I have to pee. It's really hot. Children are really hot. They've peed...lucky! I pass the road where the wonderful people "tucked away so as not to decimate the landscape of trees" the stores! YOU CAN'T SEE THEM AND THERE ARE NO BILLBOARD TYPE SIGNS ALLOWED HERE. I finally get to Toys R Us. We're sweating...a lot. I have to go...bad. I look at the clock. I look at the empty parking lot. Uh-huh. Closed for another 1/2 hour. I'm praying like all good church planters do that I won't pee my pants.

Thankfully BB&B was open. I put Soph in the front part of the cart. I put Zoe in the back. I dump out the diaper bag toys so they'll sit still and run into the air conditioned store. I've never been in a BB&B before. It's the most ADD conglomeration of stuff I've ever seen. I couldn't think straight. The tank tops, washcloths, skillets, coffeemakers and 462 other bed, bath and far beyond items that filled the front of the store assaulted my brain and I could see no way to a bathroom.

A nice man directed me (and probably alerted local authorities because I couldn't stand still at that point and I was sweating profusely). I pushed the cart past the giant sign that said, NO CARTS IN THE BATHROOM and said out loud that it was single parent day and I had to go and wouldn't steal anything. I had to pick up the cart and turn it to get it, the girls and me into the handicapped stall. It was banging off the stall walls and making a racket. Zoe thought it was funny so she started squealing. Bang. Clang. Squeal. "Please God, let me fit in here."

Here's where I realize there is someone already in the next stall and I've been banging a shopping cart off her wall. Poor lady. I thought talking sweetly to the girls would help. It didn't. She left without washing her hands.

The ridiculousness continued but I won't go on. I will tell you that although it took 30 minutes to get there, it was 1 road with only the turn into the hidden shopping center. We left and had been driving for about 15 minutes and I still had not seen anything I recognized. I called Jeremy who asked me where I was. "What do you see?" said he. My response..."Trees! There's nothing else anywhere here. It's all trees!"

Zoe fell asleep on the long journey back. Poor Soph was hungry so I gave her a banana, a bowl of dry Cheerios and a baby wipe. It was a tragic mess. We made it back to Jeremy.

lol We love our new home. And our borrowed car!

Marinate for...???

Sundays' message: (no lie)

There is this lovely place in life called the Neutral Zone. (I hate it already) It's between the "Wa-hoo! What a ride!" and the "Wow! That was some ride!"

It's where Jesus told the disciples to get back in the boat. He was not going to be made King by force and those knuckle-heads were dangerously close to presuming they knew what should happen next. So He made them get back into the boat with the scary waves and go far from what the thought they knew to wait. (How many letters are in the word wait? Exactly.)

This Neutral Zone is a place of desert wandering, it is a place of... I look to my right as I sit in my new church and what does the banner say... Be still and know that I am God. It is a place of being still and learning how to know that He is God. It is the place where you hear, "Tell them I AM sent you" and you know who I AM is.

"Yada" is an Old Testament Hebrew word for know. I like it. It means to obey, see, experience, conform, perceive, understand clearly, recognize - it wraps all that up in one fun word. Go ahead, say it.

"Ginosko" takes the word further still and adds to understand completely so that what is "known" is of value or importance to the one who knows, and hence the establishment of the relationship. Those Greeks, always ready to one-up a Hebrew.

This is all great, but I've never felt more empty or useless. I don't do "still" very well. My wise husband suggested that I not try to package, file, organize and put away my devotional time for awhile. He thinks I should just let it marinate. Quietly. Stillishly. So that God can speak and I can hear.

Devotion for Monday: (no lie)

Summarized from A Cry for Mercy by Henri J. M. Nouwen

I call to you, Lord, from my quiet darkness. Show me your mercy and love. Let me see your face, hear your voice, touch the hem of your coat. I want to love you, be with you, speak to you, and simply stand in your presence. But I cannot make it happen. Pressing my eyes against my hands is not praying, and reading about your presence is not living in it.

But there is that moment in which you will come to me, as you did to your fearful disciples, and say, "Do not be afraid; it is I." Let that moment come soon! And if you want to delay it, then make me patient.

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

When we are willing to regard the Lord for who He is, we are humbled at His feet and we realize our weakness in a way that doesn't demoralize us, but to helps us to hear the way He has for us. Only then can we ginosko Him so that He is ever present in our minds and awareness.

I take the wisdom of my husband and simply pass on the information as it's been given to me. I'm off to marinate...

I'd rather squirm, please

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

It's easy to prescribe this verse. It's not so easy to act on it when the being still means crawling in and staying quietly put in a scenario you don't like in a place where you don't want to be. I don't mean a literal location. I'm talking about the place where you know you have to go to grow, to be stretched and refined.

It's as miserable as it is exciting. Miserable because it's miserable. Exciting because experience promises that I'll be closer to God, happier, stronger, more well-equipped for having sat.

To be completely honest - that's point of a blog, right? might as well play by the rules - I've never sat long enough to be still and know that He is God. I've never even come close to the being still part let alone the knowing.

I've got a lot banging off the walls of me right now. I want to put it all in order, file it, organize it and be done with it. That's how I roll. It's not working. The boxes keep dumping over, making messes.

So I've decided. I'm crawling in. I'm sitting still. I'm not coming out until I know that He is God because I'm desperate to know that.

I'll let you know...

Random ADD moment... This afternoon we met two fancy little girls from our church. Their dad was installing the lights at the new volleyball court located directly outside our window. : ) That's right, I'm smiling about that.

The 7 year old (my favorite first grade age) took the glass of iced tea I gave her, had a swig and said, "Uh, I wish this was sweeter. " She hands me back the glass. "I'll have like 2 more packets. Go ahead."

So I put 2 more granules of sugar in the glass because, yes I did run right into the house to make her sweet tea sweeter.

She also told me that wood is not good for rakes and we should buy a new one, that Tucker has a good sense of humor, that pincher bugs like my kids toys and my swing so we should change our porch, that Jason could be my son (whatever!), that we need more toys but she'll play with anything I've got and that I should learn to play soccer. She also said she's getting a little bit shorter because she drinks coffee... I like her (and am not surprised by the coffee).

Soapbox Love and War

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

So we've been doing some "fighting" in our new home. Our cool coffee shop church plant is not so welcome here if you're asking certain authorities. They fight dirty. They threaten your kids. That threatens you. But it also forces you to go further than you ever would for yourself.

Here's what I learned this week:

Nothing in this world can replace a Godly husband. I'm pretty tough. He's tougher. When the fight got too much for me, I didn't have to ask, he was already right there. Him and God - they took care us. No other man could have done what he did.

I thank God for Jeremy. Twice I wanted to be married so bad -everyone else was doing it, I was already 26 for crying out loud and there was a willing boy. But they weren't the right guys. I knew it.

Thank God for those break-up tears. I'd much rather have cried those than the tears of being married to the wrong guy or to a guy who didn't love Jesus more than himself and me and our girls. How tragic to have almost settled for even a great life with someone else.

To waste your heart for even one date on a person who isn't ALREADY ready to be your teammate for Jesus is the saddest, most horrifying choice I can fathom now.

Here's what else I learned:

I saw in my mind the Revelation Jesus with King of Kings and Lord of Lords tattooed on His thigh. I felt just a sliver of His power. He reminded me of something Jason said -that God never stops. Never sleeps. Never hesitates. God reminded me that I don't live in Satan's realm. I live in His. Psalm 24: The earth is the Lord's and all who live in it.

He told me to stop making Him smaller than me. Ouch! I act like I need to go to the front line to fight and I allow God to come up behind me and do what He can. He told me that He rages for me, for my family every moment. He said He's an awful (meaning amazing) God and He will not be defeated.

I'm supposed to learn to live in the refuge of this Revelation God so He can rage for me. I don't know how. I have to change my perspective, my gut reaction so that my reality is to recognize God first and not the battle. I'm excited that this will be my new reality. It's a permanent soul vacation. But I'm not so good at it yet.

Why would God ask someone who's not so good at the basics to plant a church? So He can be glorified?! In my weakness He is strong. 1 Cor 2 - it's an incredibly freeing and inspiring and scary chapter for a control freak. I feel it. I aspire to it.

And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. Eph 6:11-13 The Message

Roller Coasters

Ever feel like you're on the beginning part of the roller coaster when you're barely moving at all as you climb the massive hill one nerve-racking click at a time, but you know what's coming - you know you're about to move at an incredible rate of speed? That's how I feel today. I feel like we are on the God coaster and it's about to crest the hill, take off and there's no promise of ever stopping.

I feel so unprepared. I feel like there's no way I could ever be ready for this.

We've been praying for this unknown place and this church plant and faceless people for 5 years. All we knew was that we were supposed to start a church ...someday. For the past year we've known we were to come to Burlington to open a coffee shop, so we've been praying for UVM, for the spiritual heritage here, for our home, for Pearl Street or Main Street (those were our location choices). We've put all we are into this for a long time, but it as always something yet to come.

Then all of a sudden we started living this "yet to come." It's gone from someday to today in 2 seconds. It's too fast. I'm not ready.

I know what the correct response is. It doesn't change the gut tingling feeling that comes just before you plunge.

At church planters' boot camp we met two pastors who said (and this is pretty close to the direct quotes), "It's great to finally meet you. I've been praying for years for the people who would go to Vermont." One of those pastors is now our coach through this process.

At that same boot camp in Texas we met the pastor of Church of the Rock here in St. Albans. We chatted with him, shared our vision and now live in their church's house for free and they are paying the utilities and loving us and the girls and the entire church is making us part of the family.

We've been given free IT services, made connections with a sign company, were given a FREE espresso machine, we continue to meet people who "randomly" have connections to coffee roasters, who owned espresso bars, who run coffee church like we will... it's unreal. Every time we turn around, someone else is right there with a skill, a prayer, a connection or a resource we need (some we didn't even know we needed!) It's like God had this all planned out from the beginning.

Today we went to the block party for Care Net (a pregnancy clinic that counsels young girls and helps equip them to care for their baby) and met a pastor who runs an incredibly successful children's program every Saturday. I have such a burden for the single moms and dads in Burlington. I wanted to have a kids program at Apostrophe so the parents could come have free coffee while their kids are there. I want the parents. He's already doing the kids stuff.

We met a lady who owned a coffee bar who offered her services. We got the name and number of the person who is in charge of lambda iota AND we saw another house across the street that seems to be an even better fit. Then we went to a BBQ and heard how a family prayed over a house that wasn't on the market and out of their price range anyway. The next day, it was theirs. So we prayed for 371 PEARL St. Did I mention we've been praying for Pearl Street?

This is when I found myself on the coaster.

Maybe all this sounds inconsequential. To me it's like nearing the top of the hill. I can hear the clicks of the car digging into the track. I can only see the sky and nothing that even hints of the ride about to come. There's no way off now. Who'd ever get off and miss this!?

Wow, God!

we're here. we're back online. hallelujah! we're in awe of how God has already laid the groundwork for us. it's unbelievable. i know i should EXPECT God to be amazing - He is God. by definition He's amazing. i'm getting better at knowing Him more intimately like this.

it would take chapters, seriously, to tell you everything. i will, but let's start with this...

we've asked a lot of you to pray about how God would have you become part of the Stand church/ Apostrophe Coffee project. (consider this your invitation if you haven't already been asked!) if you are praying, please let us know. our prayer team is more important than even we realized.

here's why we need you...

when we lived in california, jeremy said he wanted to own a frat house at UVM. i secretly thought, "good luck with that. i'm not leaving this beach to live in the deep, deep, cold, cold snow." God thought, "lol."

we've been praying for God to give us the lambda iota house. it happens to be somewhat available. jeremy felt he should wait to contact anyone about the house until we were here and could do it in person. within days of us moving into our house, a woman who runs a local care net ministry "randomly" came to morning staff prayer at our church. they prayed for us and our pastor shared our prayer for the li house. to which she replied, "i know the people you need to talk to. we happen to be hosting a block party wednesday (tomorrow). you should come so i can introduce you.

pray, friends, pray!

i can't wait to tell you what happens!

please let us know if you will commit to pray 4 minutes a day for us, for the girls, for Apostrophe and Stand. please let us know if you will help us financially to be ready to open Apostrophe when the li house opens for us! we need monthly support for the next 2 years.

love you!