My mother. How is it that she can speak one sentence and change the trajectory of my world? Oh that I will be like her one day. My brother always said she had a direct link to God - like the president's red phone. It's true. And not nearly as scary now that I'm not a hellion.
The last two days have been ones where a few floating pieces of what God's been doing came together to make some sense for me. I love it when God uses people to speak for Him and when He just lets a droplet of a thought touch you and soak in until you're swimming in Him.
Ah snaps! I just realized that my mom actually has a red phone... hmm.
I hope what God's sharing with me brings some encouragement and, more importantly, empowerment to you.
My mom gave me this very simple reminder: Nothing anywhere happens without God allowing it. Not even Satan moves without God's permission. The enemy can posture like a snake all he wants, but the TRUTH is that he's defeated. He knows it. He fights not to win but to destroy. Sheer hate. I know this but somehow it sunk in this week. It became part of what I KNOW. I've found myself responding and reacting differently to his irritations and all-out assaults - posturing. I'm not beyond God's reach. He doesn't have to try to keep me safe. I sense an authority lesson happening.
I've been reading Luke 11 and Matthew 6 and 7 over and over since we got here. It's about asking and knocking and receiving. It's about assurance that you'll receive what you need because God won't let His reputation be marred. It's The Lord's Prayer which is so elegant and passionate and simple - let people know You in ways that help them not to go on sinning so Your name is kept holy, let there be justice, peace and mercy, and give us what we need for today.
The term "little faith" really rearranged my faith. It's not referring to unbelievers; it's talking about doubt and fear and worry that doesn't jive with the disciple's calling. The way they were acting, responding and reacting was inconsistent to someone called to minister. They doubted God's protection in physical danger, they wondered if He would chose this time to quit providing. That doesn't work.
They had to KNOW that they could ask once for what they needed that day and God would provide because of their value to Him, because His reputation's on the line and He can't fail, and because His promises are bankable. They had to KNOW that it only takes once and then they could be about the ministry they were called to start. If they spent all day talking at God - fearing and worrying at God - then they'd never have accomplished anything with Him.
This is authority and faith to the max. What if prayer wasn't about telling God what you need, but thanking Him for His provision. Easier said than done when you're in rough times, but so freeing when you can honestly do it. There are more hours in the day when you don't have to carry the weight of God's provision You can be kinder and gentler. You can sleep. And you can begin to see borders to what seemed all-consuming yesterday.
Like I tell the girls, you have to choose to be happy, happy girls. You have to choose to be a girl of faith. That's so hard - the letting go. Thank God for moments when He speaks and all that you've been going through turns out to be yet another love lesson. I like the results. I'm done with the lessons. : )
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Mountain Moving Time?
I'm pretty sure you're supposed to have something to say when you blog. I don't feel like I've had anything to say about our "progress" for too long.
Have you ever had a time when you keep doing what you do day-to-day, your routine, and then look back at a week or a month and wonder why you're so spent when it seems you've done nothing at all but live. Days pass so you must be doing something but there's nothing tangible to measure. I keep believing that this time will produce a super me that's so much more equipped to plant this church. smile.
We've done a lot of difficult things in our ministry life. But this is so far beyond all that. This is easily the hardest thing we've ever done. We knew the tasks of planting would be hard, but never dreamed what the emotional and spiritual toll would be. It's all good because God has put safeguards in place for us, people we trust who continue to confirm what we're doing when we doubt. People who can keep us standing when we're sure we should quit.
My challenge has been to keep going with no emotion, no feeling attached to God. I know what I'd say to anyone who was having this experience. But that doesn't change what it's like to live it. I have to believe the truth of the Bible or not. That sounds duh for a pastor and church planter and Christian. I hate to even admit it because I should know better. Knowing is different than KNOWING -- the kind of knowing that makes it your knee-jerk reaction, your first thought, the way you respond and react.
I feel like I keep pouring all these day-to-days into this empty shell of me. I'm not really scared of this odd numbness that the absence of God's warm fuzzy presence creates. I'm excited to see what lies ahead, who lies ahead. I know that God has to be true to His word. I know He called us here. I know we are going to see Apostrophe Coffee open and Stand Church will happen - is happening. Lives are already changing despite my lack of feelings. That means that God is who He said He is. It means that He equips the called. It means more that I can put into words.
It continues to leave me still and without anything to say -- perhaps more accurate is that it leaves me without a way to say all that God's been doing in me. I'm learning to be the wife and mom and pastor that He intended, in that order. That's an honor. To be chosen. To be secure. To know my family is part of what God is doing in Burlington.
We've done a lot of things for God. This is something we're going with God. It's going to be amazing, life-changing to see how God provides for us. It's hard not to feel like we're stranded, but we're not operating on feeling any more. We have our Truth. The choice is mine to stress and worry and fear or to trust. That sounds simple. smile. It makes every email, phone call, dollar and prayer a major miracle in my life. It means I'm not stranded even though I don't have the answers or the way to make all this happen -- even to pay the bills. That's pretty basic for a self-sufficient person. It takes what I thought Faith was and raises the stakes. That's hard but now it's exciting. Perhaps we're about to see God's hand move our mountains.
Have you ever had a time when you keep doing what you do day-to-day, your routine, and then look back at a week or a month and wonder why you're so spent when it seems you've done nothing at all but live. Days pass so you must be doing something but there's nothing tangible to measure. I keep believing that this time will produce a super me that's so much more equipped to plant this church. smile.
We've done a lot of difficult things in our ministry life. But this is so far beyond all that. This is easily the hardest thing we've ever done. We knew the tasks of planting would be hard, but never dreamed what the emotional and spiritual toll would be. It's all good because God has put safeguards in place for us, people we trust who continue to confirm what we're doing when we doubt. People who can keep us standing when we're sure we should quit.
My challenge has been to keep going with no emotion, no feeling attached to God. I know what I'd say to anyone who was having this experience. But that doesn't change what it's like to live it. I have to believe the truth of the Bible or not. That sounds duh for a pastor and church planter and Christian. I hate to even admit it because I should know better. Knowing is different than KNOWING -- the kind of knowing that makes it your knee-jerk reaction, your first thought, the way you respond and react.
I feel like I keep pouring all these day-to-days into this empty shell of me. I'm not really scared of this odd numbness that the absence of God's warm fuzzy presence creates. I'm excited to see what lies ahead, who lies ahead. I know that God has to be true to His word. I know He called us here. I know we are going to see Apostrophe Coffee open and Stand Church will happen - is happening. Lives are already changing despite my lack of feelings. That means that God is who He said He is. It means that He equips the called. It means more that I can put into words.
It continues to leave me still and without anything to say -- perhaps more accurate is that it leaves me without a way to say all that God's been doing in me. I'm learning to be the wife and mom and pastor that He intended, in that order. That's an honor. To be chosen. To be secure. To know my family is part of what God is doing in Burlington.
We've done a lot of things for God. This is something we're going with God. It's going to be amazing, life-changing to see how God provides for us. It's hard not to feel like we're stranded, but we're not operating on feeling any more. We have our Truth. The choice is mine to stress and worry and fear or to trust. That sounds simple. smile. It makes every email, phone call, dollar and prayer a major miracle in my life. It means I'm not stranded even though I don't have the answers or the way to make all this happen -- even to pay the bills. That's pretty basic for a self-sufficient person. It takes what I thought Faith was and raises the stakes. That's hard but now it's exciting. Perhaps we're about to see God's hand move our mountains.
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