So funny how a moment can change you. The past 4 years have really been a lesson in how I view myself. Through my adult life, my identity has come from who I knew, where I lived, my job, my title, my paycheck, my clothes, my bod - that's a roller coaster ride from Heck!, who I'm married to, what he looks like, what he does, how much he makes... have mercy, that's exhausting.
I could preach a dang good message about finding your worth in God, but, let's face it, who practices what they preach? God has a hilarious way of changing that.
When we moved to Vermont we had no job, no title, little money, no winter clothes, and 10 extra pounds (Jeremy loves pie! Ha, I wish I was talking about him. Stinkin' boy metabolism). Have I covered all my criteria for self worth? Take that girl who is already in a reality tailspin and move her into a house with one mirror that doesn't show anything from the shoulders down. May not seem like much, but when you can't see yourself or how you look in what you're wearing it does something to you.
Suddenly my self image was all in my head. Dangerous place to be. lol. I always imagine myself in the best possible way. With nothing to contradict that, I started to feel pretty good about myself. Before long I was just being a me that I had one day hoped to be, but held at arms length for lots of now meaningless reasons. It changed me. Something as simple as not having a mirror gave me a break from my own criticism and let me just like being me. That let me believe that others might see me first and not the 10 pounds or no job, no title, no...
I looked at Zoe a minute before blogging this and watched her build a block tower. She was working so hard and lining things up so meticulously. I was so proud of her! So impressed with her mad skills. So in love with Jesus for making her strong and smart after such a tiny, weak beginning. And then she looked at me and asked, "Like it, Mommy?" "Sit on it?"
All her work was rewarded by my opinion which is high and cannot be lessened. Her next move would be determined by my response. Enter: God moment. His opinion of me is high and cannot be lessened. He'll advise my next move because He knows exactly what will happen and be best for me.
I'm now a little better at practicing what I preach.
