Fake Trees

So about this sitting still... All I hear are the lyrics to In The Secret and I think back to Prayer and Praise at Vanguard when the song was new and cheesy and I see us peeking through the fake trees every time the band sang "in the stillness you are there". I know it's wrong. But it was funny.

Today the song is old and cheesy, but on it plays in my head. There's truth to it. I do want to know You more. I do want to hear Your voice. But can I be honest? I can. I might be the only person who reads this. And, I'm really not complaining. It's just simple fact that might make more sense spilled out here.

I'm so burnt out on the still, on the waiting, on the fact that we left our friends and my fancy 1st grade class room (which was the last place I felt really "put-together") and I feel like I'm fading from that life like Michael J Fox in his Back to the Future picture. Why did we do that again?

There are lots of great ideas. Lots of words. Lots of dreams. But I'm sitting still and emptying more and more every day to the point that I don't know...anything any more.

It's scary, this kind of empty. It's annoying, but freeing. It's maddening, but calm. In the way, way back of my mind I think it might be good. But every other part of me is not so sure that way, way back isn't where crazy lives. ; *