Upon This Rock...I Sit

Have you ever looked around to find that you're in one of those hurry up and wait situations. It truly is a precious place to be. For someone who would love to be a perpetual student, you'd think I'd appreciate this learning season a little more. I don't. I don't because I'm not automatically a still person by nature. I've really been working on it, but I thought (hoped, but knew better) that it would be a one time thing and we'd move on. Nah. I'm pretty sure this still business is on-going and that God has strategically placed certain things in my life to keep bringing me back to the rock...upon which I sit...stilly...and wait.

But in the waiting there is much to do. I'm so close to being certifiable. I'm aware of this. It's fun. We laugh a lot, Jeremy and I, so we must be okay. In the waiting, we do things like talk about what we would tell someone who said they only had 10 minutes a day to pray and wondered how to best spend that time. Then we look at each other and laugh because neither answer is how we spend our prayer time. So we try to take our own advice.

That's really quite scary. Taking your own advice. What if it doesn't work? On one hand it's better you find out that you're dumb quietly, behind closed doors. On the other, we're here...just us...in charge of all this. We better be right.

We also grapple with this underlying current of doubt and fear that God won't be God in the really big things - like paying our bills, keeping our kids safe and healthy in the middle of spiritual battles and making this enormous vision take hold and shake the foundations of Burlington. Why can I trust God for some things and not others? I do not know.

This post was actually a draft that I started months ago and couldn't finish. I'm finishing it now because I'm proud of myself and Jeremy and God - it's amazing how much I appreciate them both as I learn and grow - and how far we've come together.

We're still a lot the same as we were when I started this. But we're also a lot different, better, more relaxed, more focused, more trusting, more tried and true, more vicious for the vision of Stand and Apostrophe, more loving, our gentleness is more evident, our passion is more contagious, our ideas are more tangible.

We are planning the launch of Stand. We are talking dollars and cents (more dollars than cents) about the opening of Apostrophe. Life and the dream and our relationship with God are making forward progress. I don't feel like God's the cool kid in class I wish I could hang out with. I feel like I'm wearing His ring.