My Resignation

Good times in the life of me this week!

It's Saturday morning and I'm getting ready to go to hear Abi Cyr, a church planter in New England, speak at a women's retreat. I'm thinking about how I'm ready to finally grace God with my willingness to live in Vermont and actually be a Vermonter. That's a biggie for me. But I'm ready. Cue the strings and woodwinds. Grand moment of humble(??)submission is about to begin.

Praise God for His mercy and love for this sinner!

Somewhere in the midst of my nonsense, which is the honest best I have to offer some days, I had one of those "conversations" with God where He downloads a new version of me and I suddenly have a new truth to operate from. It seems like there should have been words spoken, but He's God and He spares Himself from my end of the conversation. So it just happened.

It went something like this...

Melanie: "I don't think I want to be a college pastor. I still like teenagers better. I didn't leave youth ministry by choice. You took me out a back door at night in the dark and I thought we were going for ice cream."

God: "You used to minister to your passion (youth). Now you'll minister to what grieved you most about that passion (losing them in college).

Melanie: ...something like a stunned silence with vague undertones of that "Der" sound you make when you get what you're hearing and find it to be so far beyond what you would have come up with...

God: "And so you don't find yourself in another season of grieving, I'm going to involve you in women's ministry so your college girls don't get lost after graduation."

Again with that stunned silence thing. The download was already complete. The deal was done.

I found myself fighting the urge to be a baby and whine at God for tricking me good...again! Truth be told, I'm learning to be proud of these moments when life seems to have turned a sharp corner down Sucky Drive. I made the choice to obey God and follow Him here - long before here was a college church planter in Vermont.

I'm starting to see that the road is not a punishment but a love pat, that feels like a baseball bat at times, to lead me toward the vision I long for and away from the disaster and heartache that would come from being ill-equipped, soft and unaware had I arrived via the "easy" road.

So, even though I haven't been in youth ministry for over 3 years now, I officially, in my heart, resigned my position as a youth pastor and accepted my role as a college pastor...and women's ministry involvee. I also officially, in my heart, became a resident of the fine state of Vermont, mud and all.

Off I went to the retreat.

Fast forward 5.5 hours to the end of the retreat. Our women's ministry director for Northern New England asked me if I would be the spring retreat speaker and travel throughout our district to share Jesus with the wonderful women.

...something like a stunned silence with vague undertones...

Not really, I love to talk about Jesus. I said yes before she finished asking. But still. Jesus is the lover of my soul, my safe place to resign one passion and immediately replace it with two more.

My favorite lessons are the ones that teach me that He can be trusted because there is no wickedness in him. Psalm 92  He can't trick me, ditch me, abuse me, unlike or unlove me. He can't call me and leave me unable to do what He's called me to do. He can't forget about me. No plan goes unnoticed by Him. He can't give me anything less than His very best. He can't leave me without enough finances, food, shelter or clothing (wahoo!). He can't leave me in an unsafe place. He can't leave me with no friends or not enough vision to carry me through. He is my beginning and my end; I am destined to flourish.