Bedtime Stories

It seems as if God's got his finger poised and ready to turn a page in the life of the Schultz'. One of our favorite people told us that this time in our lives would be just like that - like the turning of a page. Things would happen very quickly and all of a sudden there it would be, a done deal. We have found that word to be so true. Every part of this church planting adventure has happened just as if God turned the next page and made it be so.

It feels like we're there again. But we don't operate on feelings any more - at least not like we used to. It's a little more mature now - for lack of a better way to describe it. But the amazing thing is that God made us emotional beings and I think he enjoys feeling things with us and we with him.

We had two Thanksgivings this year. One with my family who celebrated early before my aunt and uncle went off to Bangkok, their next missionary assignment. The second with Jeremy's family and my parents. Talk about spoiled children - both sets of grandparents under one roof! How blessed we are.

Now Christmas is in the air. The girls see pictures of Christmas or see Santa or a manger and say, "Christmas!"  They still have no idea what's coming, but we're going to have fun! We watched Caillou - that bald, whiney kid that makes me want to... Anyway, bald kid was experiencing all the stuff of Christmas and he went to sit on Santa's lap. I asked Soph if she would sit on Santa's lap. She watched the show very seriously and said NO at first. Then she said she would. Then she suggested Zoe do it. Those two are so funny! I love twins.

We had our first service to share about the church plant and to fund raise for Apostrophe. It was beyond words. To be talking to strangers who are praying during the service (perhaps for it to end soon... no telling lol ) and shedding tears (Jeremy was preaching so...). But they bought into the vision, the calling, this thing that is OUR lives. They gave their money. The entire church got out of their seats and stood around us to pray. They linked together with us to fight against the powers and principalities of darkness to take those students for Jesus. Dramatic retelling? I can spin a word, but that doesn't make the reality of this any different. We're in a battle and God tells us that it's not against democrats or people with "lifestyles" or recycled paper users. Those logistics are just distractions. Behind the opinions and choices are people who need my Jesus.

We shared that with this incredible little church who are called to adopt and foster kids with special needs and to run a school for them. They have teachers who volunteer! (And all the teachers gasp - I did.) They are doing what God asked them to do. We're doing what God asked us to do. We helped each other financially as we could. But we agreed to stand together and pray for what the other is fighting for in the name of Jesus.

We are seeing the power of Jesus like never before - simply the power of belonging to him and knowing what his name can do, the power of praying together, believing together, listening in his name, loving on his behalf. Life is getting simpler. I appreciate my husband more than I can express even to him. I see my daughters growing and we enjoy them so much! I'm able to let people be people and let God be God - that frees up an unreal amount of brain and emotional space. We're each on our own part of our journey with God - whether we acknowledge we are or not. I can't speak to or heal or fix anyone, but I can pray for, love and listen to ANYONE.

So here we are. Waiting to see what's on the next page. Will it be a new chapter or part of this same one? A new front door is an illustration we'll be seeing soon as our house here in St. Albans is ready to go to the next pastors coming to Church of the Rock. That's exciting for us and them! Praise God with us for our home in Burlington. All our birthdays are here - the girls are 2 years old January 21! Can you believe it, friends! God is gracious and good!

Stay tuned for the next page of bedtime stories from Vermont! : )

Mom's Red God Phone

My mother. How is it that she can speak one sentence and change the trajectory of my world? Oh that I will be like her one day. My brother always said she had a direct link to God - like the president's red phone. It's true. And not nearly as scary now that I'm not a hellion.

The last two days have been ones where a few floating pieces of what God's been doing came together to make some sense for me. I love it when God uses people to speak for Him and when He just lets a droplet of a thought touch you and soak in until you're swimming in Him.

Ah snaps! I just realized that my mom actually has a red phone... hmm.

I hope what God's sharing with me brings some encouragement and, more importantly, empowerment to you.

My mom gave me this very simple reminder: Nothing anywhere happens without God allowing it. Not even Satan moves without God's permission. The enemy can posture like a snake all he wants, but the TRUTH is that he's defeated. He knows it. He fights not to win but to destroy. Sheer hate. I know this but somehow it sunk in this week. It became part of what I KNOW. I've found myself responding and reacting differently to his irritations and all-out assaults - posturing. I'm not beyond God's reach. He doesn't have to try to keep me safe. I sense an authority lesson happening.

I've been reading Luke 11 and Matthew 6 and 7 over and over since we got here. It's about asking and knocking and receiving. It's about assurance that you'll receive what you need because God won't let His reputation be marred.  It's The Lord's Prayer which is so elegant and passionate and simple - let people know You in ways that help them not to go on sinning so Your name is kept holy, let there be justice, peace and mercy, and give us what we need for today.

The term "little faith" really rearranged my faith. It's not referring to unbelievers; it's talking about doubt and fear and worry that doesn't jive with the disciple's calling. The way they were acting, responding and reacting was inconsistent to someone called to minister. They doubted God's protection in physical danger, they wondered if He would chose this time to quit providing. That doesn't work.

They had to KNOW that they could ask once for what they needed that day and God would provide because of their value to Him, because His reputation's on the line and He can't fail, and because His promises are bankable. They had to KNOW that it only takes once and then they could be about the ministry they were called to start. If they spent all day talking at God - fearing and worrying at God - then they'd never have accomplished anything with Him.

This is authority and faith to the max. What if prayer wasn't about telling God what you need, but thanking Him for His provision. Easier said than done when you're in rough times, but so freeing when you can honestly do it. There are more hours in the day when you don't have to carry the weight of God's provision You can be kinder and gentler. You can sleep. And you can begin to see borders to what seemed all-consuming yesterday.

Like I tell the girls, you have to choose to be happy, happy girls. You have to choose to be a girl of faith. That's so hard - the letting go. Thank God for moments when He speaks and all that you've been going through turns out to be yet another love lesson. I like the results. I'm done with the lessons. : )

Mountain Moving Time?

I'm pretty sure you're supposed to have something to say when you blog. I don't feel like I've had anything to say about our "progress" for too long.

Have you ever had a time when you keep doing what you do day-to-day, your routine, and then look back at a week or a month and wonder why you're so spent when it seems you've done nothing at all but live. Days pass so you must be doing something but there's nothing tangible to measure. I keep believing that this time will produce a super me that's so much more equipped to plant this church. smile.

We've done a lot of difficult things in our ministry life. But this is so far beyond all that. This is easily the hardest thing we've ever done. We knew the tasks of planting would be hard, but never dreamed what the emotional and spiritual toll would be. It's all good because God has put safeguards in place for us, people we trust who continue to confirm what we're doing when we doubt. People who can keep us standing when we're sure we should quit.

My challenge has been to keep going with no emotion, no feeling attached to God. I know what I'd say to anyone who was having this experience. But that doesn't change what it's like to live it. I have to believe the truth of the Bible or not. That sounds duh for a pastor and church planter and Christian. I hate to even admit it because I should know better. Knowing is different than KNOWING -- the kind of knowing that makes it your knee-jerk reaction, your first thought, the way you respond and react.

I feel like I keep pouring all these day-to-days into this empty shell of me. I'm not really scared of this odd numbness that the absence of God's warm fuzzy presence creates. I'm excited to see what lies ahead, who lies ahead. I know that God has to be true to His word. I know He called us here. I know we are going to see Apostrophe Coffee open and Stand Church will happen - is happening. Lives are already changing despite my lack of feelings. That means that God is who He said He is. It means that He equips the called. It means more that I can put into words.

It continues to leave me still and without anything to say -- perhaps more accurate is that it leaves me without a way to  say all that God's been doing in me. I'm learning to be the wife and mom and pastor that He intended, in that order. That's an honor. To be chosen. To be secure.  To know my family is part of what God is doing in Burlington.

We've done a lot of things for God. This is something we're going with God. It's going to be amazing, life-changing to see how God provides for us. It's hard not to feel like we're stranded, but we're not operating on feeling any more. We have our Truth. The choice is mine to stress and worry and fear or to trust. That sounds simple. smile. It makes every email, phone call, dollar and prayer a major miracle in my life. It means I'm not stranded even though I don't have the answers or the way to make all this happen -- even to pay the bills. That's pretty basic for a self-sufficient person. It takes what I thought Faith was and raises the stakes. That's hard but now it's exciting. Perhaps we're about to see God's hand move our mountains.

Momentum

We took the fam to a UVM rugby match last week. When did college kids get so young? Geesh Jeremy's old! Our girls had a blast running around and playing with the dogs...apparently rugby is the game of choice by dogs of many breeds. What a blessing for Soph who knows if there's a puppy within 50 yards of us.

Zoe was so intently watching the match and then decided she could help the boys and made a mad dash for the field. Let me just lay this picture out for you: Rugby is a violent sport - much hitting and shoving and flying through the air - it's awesome. We were watching the guys play, so it wasn't as hard-hitting as the girl's match but still... The fans are separated from the field by a thin yellow rope wrapped around wooden stakes. Zoe dropped her Teddy Grahams and made a break for it. Jeremy grabbed her jacket just before she went under the thin yellow rope. Where were her parents?


Her mother was doing the Lord's work. I met a girl who plays rugby, is taking a class on coffee and is the first student who we met by just being here, doing our thing, being ourselves. I talked to her about Apostrophe and Stand and she thought it was cool. The saddest part was that her mother started talking to me first. Geesh Jeremy makes me look old. Dang it. When did I start to relate more to mothers than college kids. Sadness. Botox.

Can you see it? Apostrophe Coffee...Stand Church

We also walked around the Pearl Street house and "met" a guy who lives in the apartments on the third floor. That was interesting. We were loitering. He was braving the sunlight. It was magical. But real.





We're really here. Doing things because God told us to and I can't wait to see how these random moments start to add up and become church. It gets my blood pumping, my dreams sparking. All this still is now ebbing toward momentum.

I think this is how you plant a church. I like it.

Astounding!

slow: requiring or taking a long time for growing, changing, oroccurring; gradual: a plant of slow growth.


This cracked me up! a [church]plant of slow growth 


What is so crazy to me is that we came here for this "thing", this dream that was supposed to be the be-all-end-all in our lives. This is what everything else was leading up to. It's what kept us going when we knew we were in a place of learning, of preparation (usually a place we didn't particularly love) because it would all be worth it one day!


I won't lie. I thought this would be different. I've heard every other church planter's story. I know. But I still thought it would be different. Go ahead and laugh, but I expected more from God. After all, we came here out of obedience, not choice. I thought there'd be reward for that. I thought this would just flow and happen - not without hard work, just that it would happen. It's why we're here!


I can preach the response to this as well as the next girl. But it's still how I feel so often in life. I just want to toss a big "SERIOUSLY!?" up to heaven. 


But then I try to do this thing I'm working on - I shift from myself to what may be a more God-ish perspective and I see that if we had'nt come here to do this thing that feels so slow in the making, then I wouldn't have been here to talk to my new friend who needed someone to listen and had no one else tonight. We wouldn't be able to help our new church in areas where we're skilled and they're short-handed. I wouldn't be having coffee with a girl who can't find God no matter where she looks. 


Some days those things are irritating because they're not the thing. They seem inconsequential and like we wasted our time coming. Other times, they blow my mind because God brought me all the way across the country (again) so I could be in the right spot at the right time for Him. Who am I that He would choose me for these assignments? Why did He orchestrate so many events to have me right there on His behalf?


The intricacies of God astound me. Don't underestimate what you can and are doing for God right now, right where you are. 

Approved!

I've been so lame on the blog front lately. Sorry to those who read this like the morning paper. lol! : )
This isn't going to be real satisfying except to say THANK YOU! for your prayers. Stand Church and Apostrophe Coffee were unanimously approved by our district. We still need to iron out one last detail...as if there were only one... but then it will be officially official.

We are just rocking on the brink of so many aspects of this. We're not sure which way the wind of God will set us so we're keeping things...still. Funny how prepared I was for that. Oh God, you do know me well. What an honor to say that, huh!

It's so difficult and yet so fun to bounce things around with the Maker of the Universe who sees me and where I fit in all this. So we will be back on the air with more new soon.

Until then, would you pray with us for a few important details:
1. We both need jobs ASAP.
2. We can now begin fundraising and partnering with others for Stand. Believe for a lot of opportunities for us to raise what we need to get this going.
3. 317 Pearl Street as our building.
4. Health for us all as the weather changes brr!
5. How to connect with the students and those of student age in Burlington.
6. Between us, we miss you. We would love new friends!

Much love and many thanks!
Mel

Prayer Needs

We are on the agenda to go before the NNED (Northern New England District) presbytery on either September 20 or 21 to have our church plant project approved. We've already been approved as church planters. Now we are bringing Stand Church and Apostrophe Coffee and the proposal that lays out how we'll accomplish both to the powers that be!

This time in St. Albans and at Church of the Rock is such a gift. It's given us the time to be still, to be a family, to invest in an amazing church that's also investing in us, and to shake out all the stuff that's been rattling around our hearts and minds for so long. We're anxious though. We want to be in Burlington. We want to be doing Stand and fundraising for Apostrophe. A lot depends on this presbytery meeting.

Please pray for favor. Pray that we will have a clear vision and wisdom so we can speak to any concerns or challenges they may have. Pray that there will be no delays or glitches that keep this from moving forward. We're completely confident that this is what God called us to do. We're obedient to His timing and we all know that God will use others to help hone the plan. It's also comforting to know that you're there with us. Thank you! Love you!

Top 10 Ways You Know You're A Mom (of twins)

10. You can no longer competently parallel park because both back windows are obstructed by the Eddie Bauer sunshades.
9. You have Teething Tablets, 4 socks, 2 snot rags, Mega Blocks and 1 lipstick in your once pretty purse.
8. You publicly narrate your shopping experience at the grocery store while pushing the freight liner cart that has two steering wheels - those people are laughing at you, not admiring your cute kids!
7. You know the PBS morning line-up by heart and live for the moment Elmo comes on because as soon as it's over it's nap time!
6. You're suddenly ambidextrous in your hands and eyes. I'm pretty sure they WILL stick like that one day!
5. You are entirely too comfortable with poop.
4. You think "dark circles" is your eye color.
3. Forget flowers. Your love you husband more every time he changes a diaper, gives a bath or hoses down the children after a meal - that he cooked.
2. Your favorite word is Mommy...x2
And the number 1 way you know you're a mom is your new definition of clean:
Clean: Very little visible snot

What the heck happens overnight with these kids!? They wake up taller, speaking in sentences, they know new words, they wipe their own noses, read books...where'd they learn that and why doesn't potty training happen this way!

Huh...

So I do believe I am finally "still".

Huh.

Huh.

This is just to let you know, I guess. I can't think of any words to describe the realization. I'm still and quiet.

Do you think all of heaven just sighed and moaned, "Finally!"?

I highly recommend picking up a little "still" if you have the means. The journey sucks. Enjoy yourself.

I sense there's a lot of work around the corner. Not the soul-crushing kind. I've quit that nonsense (Lesson 3 of the journey), but work nonetheless. So I'm going to sit and enjoy this. Build a monument or two to it, Merl!

I wonder who I'll be on the other side of this? I keep meeting an improved version of myself on this ride. It's fun. Let that be your encouragement if you feel you may be embarking on the quest to be still and know. I also sense that I'm actually just being stiller. Like God is smiling and nodding that you think THIS is good nod. He rocks my world.

So You Had A Bad Day

Remember that song? It's catchy.

Here's how you know you had a good day...
1. There's a Burger King crown involved
2. You wake up and hear the ocean (and you're not marooned - that would blow it)
3. You decide to see a better slant than the one that was ticking you off and you get through
4. You can share strength with a friend because you've been there
5. You're not "there" any more
6. You eat cheese and don't give a rip about how deep the fat valley created around your upper thigh by your bathing suit is
7. You laugh at yourself...repeatedly and enjoy it
8. You lay on the kitchen floor and sing (alone or with your kids...who am I to judge)
9. You can think of at least 10 amazing memories you've had with people you love
10. You know that, come-what-may, Jesus never fails. NEVER. That's really something if you possess that. It's easy to spout that when you're a Christian, but when it exists when all else is dry, that's real. When your world shakes but, surprisingly even, that truth does not, it's inspiring. It's like a brick wall for your mind and soul to lean on and rest. When you want to run away from everything except Jesus, you've had a good day. It's a perspective thing perhaps. But I know now that when I preach it I'm also living it. That's good news for me. I guess I had a good day! (Even though that cheese thing was about... my neighbor...)

Stand Church and Apostrophe Coffee

We added the "Donate" button to our blogs and fb pages. That makes me squirm in my seat a little. It's a wild thing, this missionary/church planter life. Some days it feels like there's so much happening and I really want God to slow down. Other days I'm tapping my foot impatiently and whining for Him to do something.

Thank you for reading and commenting and letting me know you're still out there with us! It's lifeblood to me.

Even though we are pretty good at being us. God decided that we will do this new assignment even better if we spent some time with us - got to know us again. I guess that's part of this being still. I'm seeing myself from the outside in is the only way I can explain it. And Jeremy... oh girls, I'm sorry you can't be married to him. Could there be a better man in all the world? I think not. He's a little slice of heaven right here in my living room.

So we're here. Pastors and now church planters. Every day we're working on us. There are days when we are meeting people in Burlington and in St. Albans who have been praying for whoever was coming to do this thing that God had burdened their hearts to pray about. And we talk to our mentor in Texas who watched a documentary on VT twice and prayed for us the entire time. We meet pastors who are already doing a children's ministry and have a relationship with the parents that I have a burden for, so we can join forces and do what God brought us here to do. We pray with people who are so passionate about the students at UVM and thank us for coming. And I'm amazed by God's clever attention to detail.

We've met contacts for the frat house, which led us to 371 Pearl. We met with the Realtor about that location. And now we're waiting. It's another of those slow down/hurry up deals. I can see God smiling at His timing and how it affects me. (That's the Jesus way of saying "drives me crazy"!) And also He smiles at what I'm learning because He sees how useful it will be down the road when all this comes together and we have students sitting in Apostrophe who invite us into the messy moments of their lives so we can show them how crazy in love with them Jesus has always been. That's why we're doing this. That's why we're sitting still and running forward - sometimes simultaneously.

Our prayer needs are for health and protection for our family, especially Sophia and Zoe; for the students at UVM; for the location (we're praying for the Holy Spirit to soak that place even now because it's God who will set us apart and create the atmosphere where students want to be); for favor with the zoning committee; for funds to buy the coffee house equipment because we need to be trained on it before we have to open and for funds to live. Hence the "Donate" button...squirm.

We are starting to meet with UVM students next month. Oh my! That's exciting! Stand Church begins! We'll be small enough to take them to coffee (recon work!) and to dinner. It's so crazy to realize that in the midst of all this we have planted a church. How great is God! He did it without us even knowing it.

I hope that gives you more than a glimpse into what we're doing here - what you're doing here. We feel your prayers. We see them at work. Believe me, there are days when we KNOW that we wouldn't make it without someone praying. Thank you! Keep praying for the Howards too!

Love you!
Melanie

The County Fair

There's nothing like a good county fair to get you back to your roots... or ruuts as you might pronounce it after a day of fairin'. Yee ha!

Sophia and Zoe love, love, love farm animals. We've watched Baby Einstein Baby Mac Donald at least a million times. Yes, we do know all the songs by heart and find ourselves singing them in public when we're out WITHOUT the children. It's super really.

Grandma and Pop got them the Little People farm set for their birthday and the girls carry Moo, Neigh, Pig, Baa and Goat in their purses everywhere we go. Farmer has recently been accepted into the purse and is currently sleeping with Zoe in her crib.

We read the Day on the Farm book every single day and kiss each animal every single night before bed.

I tell you this so you can properly appreciate the pictures taken this week the Barton Fair where the girls saw farm animals for the first time.

Soph put on a good show!

They loved the cows. Have mercy! Am I raising 4-H'ers?? :) They are lamb whisperers. And Sophia danced for Ruby the calf.

Sophia was scared to death when she saw how big a horse head really is. She heard it neigh in the stall and got all excited until it stuck its ginormous head out the window. I still haven't regained full hearing in my left ear. They did pet every animal - no fear in these two - and used plenty of hand sanitizer.

And, despite their dad's lecture on how fair rides are hauled in on the back of a carnie's Ford and held together by a cotter pin, they rode the rides! Both girls loved the Scrambler and the giant slide we took them down on burlap sacks. Wow! I can't believe I'm writing this.

We did miss the tractor pulls, but we saw the bull pull (bulls yoked together pulling a sleigh filled with over 1,000 pounds of cement blocks...crazy) and got sausage sandwiches from a meat booth so all in all it was a great day! You don't get this in Vegas!

Life is like a box of choices

You know what I love about St. Albans, Vermont? I love that we have met so many people who are experts at having perspective. Jeremy told me yesterday that life is all about perspective. He told Sophia that life is all about choices. He's so wise...whatever.

It's true. Not because he said it, because I'm saying it now. See. Perspective. : )

It has been something close to chatting with God Himself to talk to people who have lived through things I don't even want to watch an after-school special about. The conversations are one thing. It's watching them live when no one is watching that blows my mind.

Granted, I don't see them behind their fake trees (next blog) but I do see them worshiping and praying and it seems to be a glimpse into a slice of the "real" them. What I see is that they're there, worshiping and praying, when they could be somewhere else feeling bad, chasing justification for what's been unfair.

I see that they have managed to/ chosen to let go of their perspective long enough to put God before themselves. That's amazing to me because it means they chose to believe that it was better to praise than to be angry, better to thank than to grieve -- even if just for those moments. That's humbling.

That says a lot about God. That He has proven Himself worthy of that kind of "laying down", that kind of trust and love.

Life's a process. Blah!

Fake Trees

So about this sitting still... All I hear are the lyrics to In The Secret and I think back to Prayer and Praise at Vanguard when the song was new and cheesy and I see us peeking through the fake trees every time the band sang "in the stillness you are there". I know it's wrong. But it was funny.

Today the song is old and cheesy, but on it plays in my head. There's truth to it. I do want to know You more. I do want to hear Your voice. But can I be honest? I can. I might be the only person who reads this. And, I'm really not complaining. It's just simple fact that might make more sense spilled out here.

I'm so burnt out on the still, on the waiting, on the fact that we left our friends and my fancy 1st grade class room (which was the last place I felt really "put-together") and I feel like I'm fading from that life like Michael J Fox in his Back to the Future picture. Why did we do that again?

There are lots of great ideas. Lots of words. Lots of dreams. But I'm sitting still and emptying more and more every day to the point that I don't know...anything any more.

It's scary, this kind of empty. It's annoying, but freeing. It's maddening, but calm. In the way, way back of my mind I think it might be good. But every other part of me is not so sure that way, way back isn't where crazy lives. ; *

Perspective

Still sitting...
Getting closer to "being still", I think.
I'm having fun not taking a sparkle of an idea from God and immediately making it gospel truth that is my job to carry out. Instead I'm having conversations with God about those sparkles. We're throwing them back and forth and I'm enjoying this time with God. I'm seeing Him here in the still - getting to know Him. I'm pleasantly surprised that "still" is not at all stagnant.

I realized -- well, there's no credit for me really -- God showed me today that bringing this church plant to fruition is not the reason I'm on this journey. It's to get to know God better. To become more the person I'm supposed to be. It's a chance to be with Him, not to do for Him.

I'm tearing down more and more of the rickety construction I worked with such futility to maintain and allowing God to build me back up. It's okay to trust God to be God. That's a tough one. You never can tell what He'll go and do. One of my best friends lives in Uganda for crying out loud! : )

I also heard about a Phantom Pooper this week. That's right. A disgruntled employee was leaving poops at the job as retribution for...does it matter? He was pooping. Now I know my family will always be normal. And so are you. Unless you're a pooper. Then you're a super kind of special, should get a little help, and know that I love ya anyway! Thanks for reading this!

Bed, Bath and So Far Beyond!

Sometimes this new church planting life seems so unbelievable, so favored, and I forget that I still exist as regular old me - which is okay, I like regular old me. Yesterday was a reminder.

The girls needed a new stroller for a few reasons, not the least of which is that the trunk of the borrowed car we're using is too small for the double beast stroller. We also needed curtains. Lucky for us Bed, Bath and Beyond and Toys R Us are in the same place - far from here.

I dropped Jeremy off for a meeting and headed off to Williston with the girls. Allow me to set the stage.

It's hot here. Not Vegas hot, but humid hot so the heat is like a sticker that adheres to you and won't let go. It's a treat. Because this humid heat apparently NEVER happens, there are lots of vehicles with no AC. Uh-huh. We're so grateful for the loaner, but it has no AC.

We're from Vegas. We weren't scared. Off we go! I'm driving. I'm driving. Jeremy said it would take 15 minutes to get to Toys R Us. It's been 22 minutes. I've passed a townlet. There were buildings, so I'll call it a town. Now there is nothing but trees ...lots and lots of trees. 30 minutes. I have to pee. It's really hot. Children are really hot. They've peed...lucky! I pass the road where the wonderful people "tucked away so as not to decimate the landscape of trees" the stores! YOU CAN'T SEE THEM AND THERE ARE NO BILLBOARD TYPE SIGNS ALLOWED HERE. I finally get to Toys R Us. We're sweating...a lot. I have to go...bad. I look at the clock. I look at the empty parking lot. Uh-huh. Closed for another 1/2 hour. I'm praying like all good church planters do that I won't pee my pants.

Thankfully BB&B was open. I put Soph in the front part of the cart. I put Zoe in the back. I dump out the diaper bag toys so they'll sit still and run into the air conditioned store. I've never been in a BB&B before. It's the most ADD conglomeration of stuff I've ever seen. I couldn't think straight. The tank tops, washcloths, skillets, coffeemakers and 462 other bed, bath and far beyond items that filled the front of the store assaulted my brain and I could see no way to a bathroom.

A nice man directed me (and probably alerted local authorities because I couldn't stand still at that point and I was sweating profusely). I pushed the cart past the giant sign that said, NO CARTS IN THE BATHROOM and said out loud that it was single parent day and I had to go and wouldn't steal anything. I had to pick up the cart and turn it to get it, the girls and me into the handicapped stall. It was banging off the stall walls and making a racket. Zoe thought it was funny so she started squealing. Bang. Clang. Squeal. "Please God, let me fit in here."

Here's where I realize there is someone already in the next stall and I've been banging a shopping cart off her wall. Poor lady. I thought talking sweetly to the girls would help. It didn't. She left without washing her hands.

The ridiculousness continued but I won't go on. I will tell you that although it took 30 minutes to get there, it was 1 road with only the turn into the hidden shopping center. We left and had been driving for about 15 minutes and I still had not seen anything I recognized. I called Jeremy who asked me where I was. "What do you see?" said he. My response..."Trees! There's nothing else anywhere here. It's all trees!"

Zoe fell asleep on the long journey back. Poor Soph was hungry so I gave her a banana, a bowl of dry Cheerios and a baby wipe. It was a tragic mess. We made it back to Jeremy.

lol We love our new home. And our borrowed car!

Marinate for...???

Sundays' message: (no lie)

There is this lovely place in life called the Neutral Zone. (I hate it already) It's between the "Wa-hoo! What a ride!" and the "Wow! That was some ride!"

It's where Jesus told the disciples to get back in the boat. He was not going to be made King by force and those knuckle-heads were dangerously close to presuming they knew what should happen next. So He made them get back into the boat with the scary waves and go far from what the thought they knew to wait. (How many letters are in the word wait? Exactly.)

This Neutral Zone is a place of desert wandering, it is a place of... I look to my right as I sit in my new church and what does the banner say... Be still and know that I am God. It is a place of being still and learning how to know that He is God. It is the place where you hear, "Tell them I AM sent you" and you know who I AM is.

"Yada" is an Old Testament Hebrew word for know. I like it. It means to obey, see, experience, conform, perceive, understand clearly, recognize - it wraps all that up in one fun word. Go ahead, say it.

"Ginosko" takes the word further still and adds to understand completely so that what is "known" is of value or importance to the one who knows, and hence the establishment of the relationship. Those Greeks, always ready to one-up a Hebrew.

This is all great, but I've never felt more empty or useless. I don't do "still" very well. My wise husband suggested that I not try to package, file, organize and put away my devotional time for awhile. He thinks I should just let it marinate. Quietly. Stillishly. So that God can speak and I can hear.

Devotion for Monday: (no lie)

Summarized from A Cry for Mercy by Henri J. M. Nouwen

I call to you, Lord, from my quiet darkness. Show me your mercy and love. Let me see your face, hear your voice, touch the hem of your coat. I want to love you, be with you, speak to you, and simply stand in your presence. But I cannot make it happen. Pressing my eyes against my hands is not praying, and reading about your presence is not living in it.

But there is that moment in which you will come to me, as you did to your fearful disciples, and say, "Do not be afraid; it is I." Let that moment come soon! And if you want to delay it, then make me patient.

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

When we are willing to regard the Lord for who He is, we are humbled at His feet and we realize our weakness in a way that doesn't demoralize us, but to helps us to hear the way He has for us. Only then can we ginosko Him so that He is ever present in our minds and awareness.

I take the wisdom of my husband and simply pass on the information as it's been given to me. I'm off to marinate...

I'd rather squirm, please

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

It's easy to prescribe this verse. It's not so easy to act on it when the being still means crawling in and staying quietly put in a scenario you don't like in a place where you don't want to be. I don't mean a literal location. I'm talking about the place where you know you have to go to grow, to be stretched and refined.

It's as miserable as it is exciting. Miserable because it's miserable. Exciting because experience promises that I'll be closer to God, happier, stronger, more well-equipped for having sat.

To be completely honest - that's point of a blog, right? might as well play by the rules - I've never sat long enough to be still and know that He is God. I've never even come close to the being still part let alone the knowing.

I've got a lot banging off the walls of me right now. I want to put it all in order, file it, organize it and be done with it. That's how I roll. It's not working. The boxes keep dumping over, making messes.

So I've decided. I'm crawling in. I'm sitting still. I'm not coming out until I know that He is God because I'm desperate to know that.

I'll let you know...

Random ADD moment... This afternoon we met two fancy little girls from our church. Their dad was installing the lights at the new volleyball court located directly outside our window. : ) That's right, I'm smiling about that.

The 7 year old (my favorite first grade age) took the glass of iced tea I gave her, had a swig and said, "Uh, I wish this was sweeter. " She hands me back the glass. "I'll have like 2 more packets. Go ahead."

So I put 2 more granules of sugar in the glass because, yes I did run right into the house to make her sweet tea sweeter.

She also told me that wood is not good for rakes and we should buy a new one, that Tucker has a good sense of humor, that pincher bugs like my kids toys and my swing so we should change our porch, that Jason could be my son (whatever!), that we need more toys but she'll play with anything I've got and that I should learn to play soccer. She also said she's getting a little bit shorter because she drinks coffee... I like her (and am not surprised by the coffee).

Soapbox Love and War

For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. Ephesians 6:12

So we've been doing some "fighting" in our new home. Our cool coffee shop church plant is not so welcome here if you're asking certain authorities. They fight dirty. They threaten your kids. That threatens you. But it also forces you to go further than you ever would for yourself.

Here's what I learned this week:

Nothing in this world can replace a Godly husband. I'm pretty tough. He's tougher. When the fight got too much for me, I didn't have to ask, he was already right there. Him and God - they took care us. No other man could have done what he did.

I thank God for Jeremy. Twice I wanted to be married so bad -everyone else was doing it, I was already 26 for crying out loud and there was a willing boy. But they weren't the right guys. I knew it.

Thank God for those break-up tears. I'd much rather have cried those than the tears of being married to the wrong guy or to a guy who didn't love Jesus more than himself and me and our girls. How tragic to have almost settled for even a great life with someone else.

To waste your heart for even one date on a person who isn't ALREADY ready to be your teammate for Jesus is the saddest, most horrifying choice I can fathom now.

Here's what else I learned:

I saw in my mind the Revelation Jesus with King of Kings and Lord of Lords tattooed on His thigh. I felt just a sliver of His power. He reminded me of something Jason said -that God never stops. Never sleeps. Never hesitates. God reminded me that I don't live in Satan's realm. I live in His. Psalm 24: The earth is the Lord's and all who live in it.

He told me to stop making Him smaller than me. Ouch! I act like I need to go to the front line to fight and I allow God to come up behind me and do what He can. He told me that He rages for me, for my family every moment. He said He's an awful (meaning amazing) God and He will not be defeated.

I'm supposed to learn to live in the refuge of this Revelation God so He can rage for me. I don't know how. I have to change my perspective, my gut reaction so that my reality is to recognize God first and not the battle. I'm excited that this will be my new reality. It's a permanent soul vacation. But I'm not so good at it yet.

Why would God ask someone who's not so good at the basics to plant a church? So He can be glorified?! In my weakness He is strong. 1 Cor 2 - it's an incredibly freeing and inspiring and scary chapter for a control freak. I feel it. I aspire to it.

And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. Eph 6:11-13 The Message

Roller Coasters

Ever feel like you're on the beginning part of the roller coaster when you're barely moving at all as you climb the massive hill one nerve-racking click at a time, but you know what's coming - you know you're about to move at an incredible rate of speed? That's how I feel today. I feel like we are on the God coaster and it's about to crest the hill, take off and there's no promise of ever stopping.

I feel so unprepared. I feel like there's no way I could ever be ready for this.

We've been praying for this unknown place and this church plant and faceless people for 5 years. All we knew was that we were supposed to start a church ...someday. For the past year we've known we were to come to Burlington to open a coffee shop, so we've been praying for UVM, for the spiritual heritage here, for our home, for Pearl Street or Main Street (those were our location choices). We've put all we are into this for a long time, but it as always something yet to come.

Then all of a sudden we started living this "yet to come." It's gone from someday to today in 2 seconds. It's too fast. I'm not ready.

I know what the correct response is. It doesn't change the gut tingling feeling that comes just before you plunge.

At church planters' boot camp we met two pastors who said (and this is pretty close to the direct quotes), "It's great to finally meet you. I've been praying for years for the people who would go to Vermont." One of those pastors is now our coach through this process.

At that same boot camp in Texas we met the pastor of Church of the Rock here in St. Albans. We chatted with him, shared our vision and now live in their church's house for free and they are paying the utilities and loving us and the girls and the entire church is making us part of the family.

We've been given free IT services, made connections with a sign company, were given a FREE espresso machine, we continue to meet people who "randomly" have connections to coffee roasters, who owned espresso bars, who run coffee church like we will... it's unreal. Every time we turn around, someone else is right there with a skill, a prayer, a connection or a resource we need (some we didn't even know we needed!) It's like God had this all planned out from the beginning.

Today we went to the block party for Care Net (a pregnancy clinic that counsels young girls and helps equip them to care for their baby) and met a pastor who runs an incredibly successful children's program every Saturday. I have such a burden for the single moms and dads in Burlington. I wanted to have a kids program at Apostrophe so the parents could come have free coffee while their kids are there. I want the parents. He's already doing the kids stuff.

We met a lady who owned a coffee bar who offered her services. We got the name and number of the person who is in charge of lambda iota AND we saw another house across the street that seems to be an even better fit. Then we went to a BBQ and heard how a family prayed over a house that wasn't on the market and out of their price range anyway. The next day, it was theirs. So we prayed for 371 PEARL St. Did I mention we've been praying for Pearl Street?

This is when I found myself on the coaster.

Maybe all this sounds inconsequential. To me it's like nearing the top of the hill. I can hear the clicks of the car digging into the track. I can only see the sky and nothing that even hints of the ride about to come. There's no way off now. Who'd ever get off and miss this!?

Wow, God!

we're here. we're back online. hallelujah! we're in awe of how God has already laid the groundwork for us. it's unbelievable. i know i should EXPECT God to be amazing - He is God. by definition He's amazing. i'm getting better at knowing Him more intimately like this.

it would take chapters, seriously, to tell you everything. i will, but let's start with this...

we've asked a lot of you to pray about how God would have you become part of the Stand church/ Apostrophe Coffee project. (consider this your invitation if you haven't already been asked!) if you are praying, please let us know. our prayer team is more important than even we realized.

here's why we need you...

when we lived in california, jeremy said he wanted to own a frat house at UVM. i secretly thought, "good luck with that. i'm not leaving this beach to live in the deep, deep, cold, cold snow." God thought, "lol."

we've been praying for God to give us the lambda iota house. it happens to be somewhat available. jeremy felt he should wait to contact anyone about the house until we were here and could do it in person. within days of us moving into our house, a woman who runs a local care net ministry "randomly" came to morning staff prayer at our church. they prayed for us and our pastor shared our prayer for the li house. to which she replied, "i know the people you need to talk to. we happen to be hosting a block party wednesday (tomorrow). you should come so i can introduce you.

pray, friends, pray!

i can't wait to tell you what happens!

please let us know if you will commit to pray 4 minutes a day for us, for the girls, for Apostrophe and Stand. please let us know if you will help us financially to be ready to open Apostrophe when the li house opens for us! we need monthly support for the next 2 years.

love you!

1 box down!

I just packed our first box. crazy - since we leave in 2 weeks.

funny thing about saying goodbye and packing...

i live everyday with all the stuff that will go in the boxes but it's not until i touch each item - the billions of books, the nick-nacks, clothes, pictures - that the memories are unlocked. even though i have looked at many of these things every day for 3 1/2 years, i haven't enjoyed some of them as much as i am in the moment it takes to move them from a shelf to a box. i suppose i'm sappy right now. goodbyes make me want to barf. but memories are flooding, moments are flashing, i love smiling, i love my students who wrote me notes that fall out of...everything, i am grateful for the friends who have changed our lives.

funny thing about goodbyes...they sometimes make you better.

here we go...

wait for it... wait for it...